Humming a tune?

Cab stuff by Don Cole

1. I came on her face with the meter running
2. I'll slow down to 10 mph for you
3. Ripe stripper bill
4. The customers ass takes the grease spot
5. Don't take off your shoes, just pull your shorts down
6. Puke blues
7. Chili for the passenger
8. High flag the dick head
9. Red south, red port
10. Ran over a foot but didn't lose traction
11. I flagged the women who robbed Eagle 15
12. Dispatcher in the trunk

RIP, comrade.

I love my job.

Fairbanks dispatch.

New prose by Don Cole.

Napkin please

A puker opened the door and sprayed frozen, insane rose peddles on the inside of the door. She was so beautiful, just of bar age, and it was the faintest smelling puke I ever smelled. But there had to be someone else in the cab who had ugly insides. (All night I had mean folk.) She sounded like Nurse Ratched on meth. She barked around a bit before morphing into the original parrot of self-centered clichés. The little puker's boyfriend hopped out of the cab and threw a monster piss in the snowbank. A cop showed up and we all got lectures. Mine was on how I should ask all passengers if they have urinated before continuing on into the night. The cop summed it up and looked at me as though to say, "Are you going to swallow it or get a ticket?" I swallowed it like a Cushman St. pro. It wore me out, I went home.

Sparky's creation.

Expressions of the cab business.

New prose by Don Cole.

The little welder put a burn on me

The taxi god of short change got ahold me last night about 11. He stayed through my last ride, giving me a little hope now and then. I trashed around best I could. I screamed at people in parking lots. "Your gonna flop on a rubber mattress tonight motherfucker, I am calling the cops." (that one got me 20 of 27.) I bluffed, sighed, lied, shook my head, and I even brought out the "I am about to go fucking postal." look and line. Still short, I did manage to milk tucked crumpled bills, coins ripe from crotch, and a few trashy items off un-giving bodies. Still, "Get out.", rang hollow. The taxi god laughed and slapped me and directed me to another "God damn you.". In the end there was only mercy to offer, best I could manage anyway. Some old bastard with a broken arm got in my cab on 26th. (one house over from the 20 of 27 shit heal I left at Mcdonalds, can you believe it? I thought the call was him and drove over there like a madman to resume the argument.) He asked if 8 bucks would get him to 1st Badger. So this old guy looks at me for the answer and I said "Yeah, fuck it." I didn't let him talk though. I spewed horse shit concerning the shitty world all the way to Sirlin Dr..50 bones short, I bet, when the cow got home...... The following is a report from the "twisted ride of the night" ride. It was a bingo flag to 1902 MaryAnn. The guy was way big with fucked up hips and cheap metal cane. After he gave the destination he says "Some gal killed herself, she worked at the Big I. How did she do it?" " I don't know." says I. He comes back. "I was in the village, when a old guy blew the top of his head off with a 30/30. It was in 51. My cousin and I took big spoons and spooned his brains into a tin. My cousin said " "Hey, you want a bite?" " (the man tried not to laugh here but did.) I said shut up cousin, show some respect. That old man read the Bible too much and he was stingy. That Bible can mess your mind if you read it too much alone and he was stingy. He did it right though. He powdered his cabin with flour, you see." Flour?" I searched. "Yeah, flour. So the investigators could see his foot prints and splatter and not blame someone who was not there. The side of the skull is about this thick." (he used his fingers to show a little less than two inches. He said it twice and showed me as though it was important that I know how thick a fresh skull wall was.)